Do you tune people in, or turn them off?

Mehrabian's model on the effectiveness of spoken communication is often misquoted but gives food for thought:
- 7% of meaning is in the words that are spoken
- 38% of meaning is the way that the words are said
- 55% of meaning is in body language

So, if you are not really sure what someone means, then trusting their body language may be more effective than the words that they use.

- How can you interpret what a person is really thinking when they are speaking to you?
- How can you build strong interpersonal relationships through body language?

When we first see people, our gaze goes to the eyes and then the mouth. I was listening recently to a debate about the trial on iris scanning in airports, and one participant said that if the eyes were the window to the soul, then she did not want her eyes to be her barcode. Interesting. I have been unable to find the source of the saying 'eyes are the window to the soul' some attribute it to Da Vinci, but we know for example that using only the lower half of the face generates a 'crocodile' smile, suggesting insincerity. If you observe a sincere smile, you will usually see creases in the eyes aswell as the mouth, both sides of the face are usually symmetrical, and it is often shorter than a 'crocodile' smile. Remember however that there may be cultural differences. People around the world have different ways of communicating eg some cultures avoid eye contact or find too much of it intimidating.

This huge topic is covered in our interpersonal skills workshops and coaching sessions. However, watch out for some top tips in subsequent blog entries labelled 'Body Language'.